programing jokes

[martin griffith]

got this from Jack Ganssle's "embedded Muse" email

ogramming Proverbs
--------------------
A clever person solves a problem.
A wise person avoids it.
- Einstein

No matter what the problem is,
it's always a people problem.
- Jerry Weinberg

If the code and the comments disagree, both are probably wrong.

Good judgment comes from experience... and experience comes from bad
judgment.
- Fred Brooks

Choose two:
Good
Fast
Cheap

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

To go faster, slow down. Everybody who knows about orbital mechanics
understands that.
- Scott Cherf

There's no time to stop for gas, we're already late.
- Karin Donker

Discipline is the best tool.
Design first, then code.
Don't patch bugs out, rewrite them out.
Don't test bugs out, design them out.

If you've found 3 bugs in a program, best estimate is that there are 3
more.

For every 7 faults corrected, one of at least equal severity injected.
- N.E. Adams

60% of product cost comes after initial shipment.

If you can't write it down in English, you can't program it.

If something is worth doing once, it's worth building a tool to do it.

Abraham Lincoln reportedly said that, given eight hours to chop down a
tree, he'd spend six sharpening his axe.
- TidBITS 654, quoted by Derek K. Miller, via Art Evans

Your problem is another's solution;
Your solution will be his problem.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of
thinking that created them.
- Albert Einstein

Or, as Brian Kernighan put it:
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place.
Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by
definition, not smart enough to debug it.

do it
do it right
do it right now
- Bobby Riggs

It is not enough to do your best: you must know what to do, and THEN
do
your best.
- W. Edwards Deming

One test is worth a thousand opinions.


martin

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

 

[Paul Burke]

A clever person solves a problem.
A wise person avoids it.
- Einstein

That sounds like my daughter's approach to homework...

Paul Burke

 

[John Larkin]

If something is worth doing once, it's worth building a tool to do it.

I learned a long time ago: if a programmer says "solving your problem
will be trivial after I write this [database manager, realtime kernal,
whatever]" fire him immediately.


John

 

[Tim Wescott]

If something is worth doing once, it's worth building a tool to do it.

I learned a long time ago: if a programmer says "solving your problem
will be trivial after I write this [database manager, realtime kernal,
whatever]" fire him immediately.


John

I was once working on a problem that had been elevated to upper
management because it's consequences were dire and estimates of
completion were long and vague. I was asked "how long will it take for
you to fix this bug". I replied "probably half a day after I find it,
but it'll take me between an hour and a year to find it".

They understood, they backed off and gave support, and (thankfully) it
took much less than a year to find.

 

[[email protected]]

I once told my boss that. His reply:" I'm going on vacation for2 weeks
and I DON'T WANT TO COME BACK TO THIS PROBLEM !!!" He did.

If something is worth doing once, it's worth building a tool to do it.

I learned a long time ago: if a programmer says "solving your problem
will be trivial after I write this [database manager, realtime kernal,
whatever]" fire him immediately.


John

I was once working on a problem that had been elevated to upper
management because it's consequences were dire and estimates of
completion were long and vague. I was asked "how long will it take for
you to fix this bug". I replied "probably half a day after I find it,
but it'll take me between an hour and a year to find it".

They understood, they backed off and gave support, and (thankfully) it
took much less than a year to find.

I once told my boss that. His reply:" I'm going on vacation for2 weeks
and I DON'T WANT TO COME BACK TO THIS PROBLEM !!!" He did.

 

[Tom Del Rosso]

In [email protected] typed:

I once told my boss that. His reply:" I'm going on vacation for2 weeks
and I DON'T WANT TO COME BACK TO THIS PROBLEM !!!" He did.

You should've asked him if there was any particular problem he wanted to
come back to.

 

[Mike Page]

got this from Jack Ganssle's "embedded Muse" email

The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of
thinking that created them.
- Albert Einstein

Or, as Brian Kernighan put it:
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place.
Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by
definition, not smart enough to debug it.

Nice one. That should be the first lesson for anyone learning C++.