Comedy Thread

[Delta Prime]

 

[Delta Prime]

Mary Tyler Moore is a guest on the David Letterman Show. Letterman asked her what was the funniest joke she ever heard. She answered: “One day a man went to go see a big shot talent agent to see if he would consider representing him. The agent said “well, I’ve got to see want kind of talent you have.” Well, the man shows him. The agent watched him mesmerized and saw how great he could dance, heard him singing beautifully, saw him act and listened to his comedy routines. The agent was amazed at all the talent this man had. He wanted to sign him up right away so he asked him what his name was. “Well,” the man replies, “My parents gave me a rather odd name…my name is Penis Van Lesbian.” The agent says, “Oh no, that name wouldn’t work. We have to change your name.” The agent thinks for a while, trying to figure out a good name for him. All of a sudden the agent says, “I’ve got the perfect name for you! From now on your new name will be ‘Dick Van Dyke’.”

 

[Delta Prime]

While a fellow was out riding his Harley one sunny afternoon, he rounded a sharp curve, found a large patch of sand and left the road, ending up in a nasty ditch.
As he was laying there dazed and injured, along came a stunning blond in a shiny red Corvette. She got out of her car and asked “Are you alright”?. The rider said “ I’m not too seriously hurt but I am feeling quite dizzy as I think I banged my head rather hard”.
The blonde said “ Well, let me help you. I know a little about treating minor injuries”. “Why don’t you get in and I will take you back to my place and I will see what I can do”.
The rider, feeling very overwhelmed and still quite dizzy agreed to her suggestion. He got in the car and off they went to the blonde’s apartment. After a while he was beginning to feel better as she did an excellent job of bandaging his wounds.
He then he mentioned to her that he had better check in with his wife. She said, “Oh, I didn’t know you were married. Where is your wife”?
He said “Oh, probably still in the ditch”

 

[Delta Prime]

Arizona bikers were riding South on the US-93 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Hoover Dam Bridge. So they stopped:
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says. "Hey Baby, whatcha doin' up there on that rail-in'?"
She says tearfully.
"I'm going to commit suicide!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked.
"Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe, why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper and then says. "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts.
You could be famous if you rode with me.
Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing like a girl."

 

[Delta Prime]

Finally all my studying paid off...
The CERN (LHC) Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland broke down!
Those Quark-key PhD physicists had to call me...
Because I am a Quantum Mechanic!

 

[Maglatron]

Why did the airoplane land on top of the house?
because the landing lights were on!

 

[Delta Prime]

 

[Delta Prime]

What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing, you can't cross a scalar with a vector.

 

[Delta Prime]

How do you keep a turkey in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

 

[bertus]

 

[Delta Prime]

 

[Kiwi]

Cat song is absolutely brilliant, thanks.

 

[Delta Prime]

Cat song is absolutely brilliant, thanks.

Maybe, perhaps, brilliant,but cats can't sing! & I'm a genius.
In your honor.
Mr kiwi.


I love my O'scope!!!

 

[Bluejets]

Bob....what's the difference between a post office mail box and an elephants butt......??

Frank..... no idea.

Bob....must remember never to give you any of my parcels to post.

 

[Delta Prime]

I would like to know...
Which moderator took out my post?
My fence fell over.

 

[Kiwi]

Isn't he cute!

 

[Harald Kapp]

Isn't he cute!

Who? Delta Prime?

 

[Delta Prime]

Who? Delta Prime?

It's on now!
I got your winky right here!
I want to make this absolutely clear.
You are my intellectual Superior!
That's the only reason why I don't like you!
The information you provide is indispensable and I am at your disposal.
But you are the same herald that is on physicsforms.com
And I will correct every single post you make. And that means I'll have nothing to correct. I hate you.
Only because I've learned from you. And I never met you.
This is all new to me...
So thank you.
And I know being an moderator is difficult therefore we must make fun of you... what do you call a moderator with half a brain?
Gifted.
Which is more than I will ever achieve.

 

[Harald Kapp]

But you are the same herald that is on physicsforms.com

No. as I stated before, I'm not.

And that means I'll have nothing to correct.

When you look close enough you'll find my weak points. From little typos to gross math errors.

 

[Delta Prime]

No. as I stated before, I'm not.


When you look close enough you'll find my weak points. From little typos to gross math errors.

I can read between the lines!
Your subtle innuendos posted in other unrelated threads.
You attack me... I have stated I am here on this particular site to work on my humility.
Not to be humiliated.
Which in itself is a lesson and I recognize that!
But with that said.
One thing I do not understand or cannot comprehend. Why don't individuals on Makers Pro &
All about circuits. Acknowledge
That they are heroes,inspirations, someone to look up to. It's like you have to wait until after they die just say what an inspiration they were. Because they're already dead they can't say thank you
But then it's too late. I think that's stupid.